Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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