i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
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