He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
