evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
