Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
