I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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