What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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