She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
