Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
