Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
