every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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