I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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