yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
