i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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