So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
