Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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