keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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