My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
