were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
