remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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