You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
