your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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