the day after is always just damage control
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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