I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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