if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
