Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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