I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
