She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
