meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yo dont text me then not text me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Everyone says I win the strip club
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
