He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i now understand why vodka
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
