4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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