I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
