I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
