Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
