well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
