I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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