my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
