We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
