everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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