Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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