Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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