I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
