no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
