I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
