I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
