I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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