So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
