i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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