Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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