well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
