He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
