if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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