I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
