"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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